Relationship Counseling for Individuals After Baby in New York
So, you had a baby, and now you resent your partner…
Trust me, you’re not alone. One of the most difficult times that couples navigate is early parenthood.
Maybe your libido has tanked.
Maybe you’re feeling “touched out.”
Maybe you just haven’t slept a full night in 3 months…
You have no energy for intimacy, or for deep conversations and connection. You’re exhausted and feeling crushed under the pressure of being the primary caretaker.
Something I often hear from women is that after becoming mothers, they suddenly resent their partners. They feel like everyone else’s needs are being met but their own, their baby needs them 24/7 and their partner is still seeking connection and attention.
Mothers often feel slighted in the split of childcare responsibilities; sharing that they feel under-appreciated, exhausted, and irrationally angry at their partners that their bodies haven’t changed, their mental state hasn’t plummeted, and they can sleep through a baby crying overnight.
The truth is, after baby, the birthing parent experiences a massive hormonal drop-off and changes to their DNA and brain matter. These biological changes mean that mothers are instinctually more likely to wake overnight with the child, sleep less soundly, and take on the majority of the comforting and feeding; things that the other parent simply does not experience. Support from their partners during this time is critical in reducing postpartum depression, anxiety, rage, and resentment.
If you can relate to this, I assure you, you are not alone, and you are not a bad person. I’m sure you never imagined feeling such disdain for your person. That person you love and admire is still there, but life circumstances have changed, and we need to adjust.
So… how can I help?
Nearly every couple endures this rough-patch after kids. But having the guidance of a professional can make all the difference in the quality of your relationship.
Learn to communicate your needs without causing a rift. Develop the ability to ask for breaks from home without fear of backlash. Openly discuss how you’re feeling without wondering if divorce is going to be a consequence.
You deserve this. You both do.